Love Lives On.

Some moments defy description. There are experiences that we encounter over and over again in this life that no matter how often they are repeated their significance never fades. Like kissing your Grandmother. From the time I could form a pucker as a baby I have kissed my Grandmother probably hundreds of times. Greeting her on holidays, birthdays and impromptu visits then again when leaving all of those... I kissed with the realization each and every time of how blessed I am to have her. She's my Nana. She's the one who stroked the curls in my hair as I sat at the foot of her chair and told me how beautiful I am. She's the one who admired my crooked crochet attempts and proudly displayed the shawl I made her when I was nine. Nana would discuss a book I was reading with me like I was the smartest gal at the book club. She would listen to me chatter endlessly and watch me turn cartwheels in the yard as if it was all quite fascinating and wonderful. She made me feel fascinating and wonderful... talented and bright. It wasn't only me either. Nana made us all better when we were around her.

We were all around her last week and we couldn't make her better though. As we surrounded her bed in ICU we kissed her, I stroked her hair and smoothed the quilt over her legs again and again. I watched uncles, aunts, cousins and my Mother fight for control and lose it, over and over again through the hours that made up the day... that we lost Nana.

Monday moring, post super bowl, pre game.

It's Monday again and I'm up earlier than I expected to be. I reached for my Bible on the night stand and read a few psalms then I talked to Jesus about some things, prayed for some people and got up and put the dog out. When I walked by the boys' room I noticed Gates is stirring. By that I mean he is doing that rocking motion and deciding whether he will get up or remembering that he has the option to get up, we're still not sure. In the orphanage where he spent the first three years and three weeks of his life individual choices did not exist. He spent eight to ten hours a day in a bed or tethered to a wall. Roaming freely about the house is still kind of a surprise to him when he wakes up each morning. He will get up when he's ready and he will wander in here cautiously like he thinks a lion might be following him or something then he will see me and reach his arms over his head whining, "Up Please." I will pull him up onto my lap and he will slide the mouse around and say softly, "I wanna play toddler." That's his fave preschool game. He's not gotten the hang of mouse control yet and toddler lets him hit any key and play along. He likes the musical instrument
room... he's very musical.

Aimee's Athletic Adventure.

Aimee has been extending the distance she walks each day for months. She made it to a 5K then passed that distance several months ago. She was so excited to participate in the, "One Hope" fundraiser for charity 5K with our Church this past Sunday, Jan 31. She was able to raise 75.00 and that was doubled by a corporate sponsor! Daddy did a lot of long distance marches when he was in Germany, back in the day, and thought it would be fun to join Aimee and the gang at NLC... so He did!

It was so exciting, safety pinning the numbers on the back of their shirts, sending them off with pictures flashing and the blast of an air horn. All together they raised enough for 36,000 brand new Bibles translated into Creole for the Haiti Missionaries as well as providing for some other immediate needs there. Good Job Aimee and Dad!

Chari's Birthday Bridger's Korea Visitors

We had a terrific time in Orlando last week end. There was a five year reunion of our Korea Families Support Group for the purpose of honoring and hosting the social worker in Korea who handled our little ones paperwork (and there was plenty of it) to keep these kids from falling through the cracks and moving them ever closer to their forever families. It was so great to meet her and her immediate family at a lovely little park in Winter Garden. There were two hundred people there and it was such fun! Bridger really enjoyed himself pal ing around with his best bud, Johnathan L. and he took time to mingle with most everybody and encourage the shy ones hiding behind their Mammas. Daddy and I were just so proud of him. The good people with Holt Children's Services in Seoul sent along and couple of gifts for each of the kids they heard would be attending, a full sized Korean Flag and a beautiful fabric map of Korea with the Children's Home marked clearly as a reference point... Bridger's bag also held a red hot wheels car which was opened right away. Aimee hand knit over one hundred thirty beautiful hats for the Baby Home and the Special Needs Village kids back in Seoul. She also knit a lovely scarf for our guest of honor.

The gathering took place on Chari's birthday so she and Brian were in Orlando to celebrate at the happiest place on earth. They attended this Korea Family Gathering as well and Chari's DVD that she produced which included pics of all of our Korean born blessings had our international guest riveted.

Gates Wit.

Here it is six months home. We had our first post placement with the lovely and talented D. Bradley MSW from Adoption HomeStudy Services last week. Bridger plopped down for a visit as soon as she arrived, while Paul and I got snacks for everybody. Gates sat down next to Bridger and nodded here and there. Mrs. Bradley was smitten with both of our boys and because she has a couple of little ones around their ages at home she knew just how to chat and encourage. You may think it risky to leave a loquacious five year old alone with your social worker in the next room but the first time they met, Bridger was two and Mrs. Bradley was here for our home study visit and first meeting together ever, Bridger reproached her as she reached for the strawberries on the fruit platter we put out, "Hey, my bewwies!" She liked us anyway. lol

Gates was hesitant to engage in conversation, but seemed glad that Brother was the center of attention rather than himself as he is still a little concerned that anyone with a briefcase is going to take him away from us. Anyway, it went well. Paul distracted the boys after we shared a bite so that we could go over some paperwork, dates and details. After a visit that always seems too short she was off to a begining home study visit east of Fort Myers.

Gates has recently exploded with vocabulary and humor that is often less than subtle but always enjoyed! He has decided along the way that rather than repeat everything his Brother says, verbatim, that he will pipe up with an enthusiastic, "Me too!" He and Bridger are becoming quite the side kicks, trading the responsibilities of comic and straight man constantly. We were in Lowes yesterday: Gates, "Mamma, I want to go. " Bridger says, "Hey there is a McDonalds in this parking lot over there, we could go over there." Gates raises both arms straight up, hands palms up and squeals, "That's a GREAT idea!" Paul looked at me, "I think we were set up."

Another funny at dinner time yesterday. Gates walks into the room. I say, "Dinner is on the table, let's sit down. " He replies, "I want to watch Kipper." (fave dvd). I said, "You cannot eat supper in your room. Kipper will wait. " Gates looks up at the ceiling, raises one finger and announces, "Oh, wait! That's okay, don't worry... I can eat a popsicle!" Our little problem solver.

Fun Days

Well, everybody else is back at work and Daddy has started his new job so we're going about settling into a new routine. Paul left for work at 4:30 am but he will be off by two o'clock and in his new position as a route sales produce delivery driver for a national food distributor we will be getting some groceries at a hefty discount which will be a good thing as we raise these Boys:-)

Bridger and Gates enjoyed an outing at the park just about every day this past week. The fresh air and riding/running around has helped them burn off a lot of energy and the house is calmer.
Gates likes the pay down i.e. play ground and is less likely to mow over a kid three times his size now that he and Daddy have rehearsed some playground etiquitte scenarios.

Mama likes the long walks alongside her Boys on bikes surrounded by green trees and other Moms who sound just as weird, "Please stay to the right. Remember where right is? Look out for the stroller. Don't run over the nice man." Yes, we do stay off of the main path. Gates has no concept of 'share the road'. The rental cycle surries should have a, Look out for Gates Rudd, symbol. There have been no wrecks involving him, but that is not due to his cooperation.

He is still just amazing on that little trike. He maneuvers so well it's almost like watching someone dance on a bicycle, he is so graceful... Barishnekof on training wheels. Even Bridger comments, "Mom look at how good he fits that bike through there. That's amazing." His legs don't always cooperate with both feet on the ground, his balance and pivoting skills are still developing at a fast run, but he can soar on that bike!

Gates is very enthusiastic about other bikes too. Whenever we go to a department store where bikes are stored on the ceiling he must stand under them to check if any new ones have been added. As I am typing this, He just ran in here to me with his bike helmet on and a question on his tiny lips, "Mamma can I ride bike awound da couch?" Hands clasped together in desperate, pleading posture, "Please?" Daddy had to take the bikes out of the van so they are in the house today and it's more than Gates-y can stand. Yeah. He's riding around the couch in the living room. He just loves it so much, I cannot deny it for him. He would eat at the table on that seat if he could. He may be the next Shaun White of bike riding? Gates Rudd, trick bike riding olympic hopeful.

Bridger just loves riding over the hills and valleys on a dirt track for bikes at the park, he of course is more interested in jumping with a dirt bike (cause anything else wouldn't turn Mom and Daddy as gray). He's five. I told him he should keep 'training' because you can't say, practicing about sports, that's one of his rules. So, he is getting quite good at going down and not wiping out in the gravel at the base of the hills. He walks the bike up the bigger hills because the road tires don't get enough traction. Bridger Rocks... as always.

This Year...

It's early in the morning on the first day of 2010. I was just reading through the beautiful book of James, Aimee and the Boys are still sleeping and their Dad is out cold with pillows over his head lest any crack of morning get around the shades before He's ready.

Although I know many people are tackling this day head on, at the moment I'm feeling more like Paul... I really want to pull the covers over my head and ease in a little at a time. Looking at a year in front of us is harder than looking at just a day... today.

My heart groans with the longing for resolutions but not like the lofty goals of tradition: such as getting better about Thank You cards (which I must do) or having a perfectly organized house (the ever elusive endeavor). The resolutions that are hammering away on my heart are the ones still yet to come:

Little Marie's visa extension is up in just days... to return to Haiti will mean great suffering, when will the agony of her fate be resloved? Will she receive yet another extension? Will her adoring US foster family finally be named guardians? She is so happy and signs with her little friends at school, giggling and sharing that brilliant smile of hers. I still remember vividly when she first arrived from Haiti, the way she kept her face buried into the crease of the sofa and rocked back and forth unable to connect. I was with her day to day as she opened up to the world of hope that her missionary hosts released in their love. We need a resolution.

Too many children are dying without homes and without hope. We need a resolution.

I must reflect on God's infinite understanding for more than a moment. He has known the end from the begining and the end is good in every way that the world is bad and then some. I have been given the awesome opportunity to rescue and adore two beautiful boys who needed me almost as much as I needed them. The Lord knows that Paul and I have hearts wide open to welcome more children as we have seen the difference between life and death for thousands of kids like Gates who are losing their will to live every day... is a loving family. At this point in our lives we do not see another adoption on the horizon but we advocate and encourage and support at every opportunity. Our agency has contacted Paul and I about becoming Family Ambassadors for waiting children. Until the resolution comes, "Even now Lord Jesus?" we will be a part of God's plan to love one another this year... and next year too. Happy New Year. Change the World Instead of Yourself... it's doable:-)